One-shot Challenge
by RainierPlainier
Summary: A collection of Naruto and Sasuke one-shots with one word being the main theme of each story. Any warnings for each story will be given in the author's notes before, along with a small summary. Rated M for potential future one-shots.
1. Injured

Howdy there. I decided to challenge myself. I don't write often, and my friends often say I have a unique writing style so, I thought I'd write more, and see what I can do and learn. THUS I am doing a 100 One-shot challenge. That's right, 100 One-shots! Now, since this is a challenge, I am giving myself a few rules to follow.

1\. I have a list of words that are the theme of each one-shot. The word will be the title of each chapter.

2\. They are all going to be NaruSasuNaru

3\. They are all going to be AU's because those are a LOT harder for me to write than canon.

4\. None of these can play off any other one-shots in this compilation. They all have to be a new story.

5\. After 10 chapters, a new genre will be used. For example, 1-10 is humor, 11-20 is Supernatural, etc.

So, if you like any of the stories, and want to hear more, you are going to have to tell me. If enough people like one story, I might continue with it in an actual series. Also, if you can think of anything else to add to the challenge, let me know, I might add it to the rules list, especially since this is about challenging myself.

Anyway, without further ado, here is the first of 100! Enjoy!

 **Summary:** Naruto doesn't always make smart decisions, and this time, he has gotten himself hospitalized for three whole days! How is he supposed to entertain himself when there isn't anyone around?

 **Warnings** : Cursing

 **Genre: Humor**

* * *

 **Injured**

The sky was a brilliant shade of blue with fluffy clouds that would give a few moments of cool shade for any that were outside. The wind was gentle, with a few soft gusts that would rustle the trees for a few seconds. It truly was a beautiful day. If only Naruto could go out and enjoy it.

Instead he was stuck inside, on a hospital bed, without the ability to move. He sat in his bed with his left leg in the air in a stiff cast and his arm in wrapping and bent at an angle, and pouted. He had tried for over half an hour to cross his arms but eventually realized that it was hurting his uninjured right arm more than his injured one because of the awkward angling.

Oh he would murder Kiba. It was his dumb idea to jump into the damn lake since it was so hot on their hike in the first place...never mind that it was Naruto that found the cliff to jump off of. Really he should have listened to Gaara and just stayed in the lake and swam around. But Kiba had dared him! He couldn't just let that slide, right? He wasn't a coward.

Not to mention the fact that all Kiba did was freak out after Naruto injured himself while Gaara calmly called the ambulance. He really couldn't remember what either of them said, or the ride to the hospital, but he remembered that the morphine was awesome, and breaking ankles and wrists was awful. At least now he was able to brag that he had screws in his body.

He sighed loudly, staring out the window with longing. Just two more days and he could leave. He had only been here for less than a day and already he was going stir crazy. He was itching to go out for a jog or hang out with any of his friends. He was not built to just sit and stare. He needed activity, he needed excitement. HE NEEDED TO NOT BE SO BORED. He let out another long sigh as he changed his stare to the window, hoping that _someone_ would just walk into his room and entertain him.

Just as he was giving up hope of keeping his sanity, he saw his door open. A bright smile started to cross his face and quickly morphed into one of confusion. A man with black hair had opened his door and started to step inside, when he also paused and stared right back. His eyes were also dark and his skin was so pale, Naruto almost wondered if he had ever been outside.

After the staring had lasted for what felt like hours to Naruto, but really was only about 10 seconds, he raised his hand and waved to the stranger that had entered his room. The stranger seemed to snap out of whatever trance had overtaken him and immediately scowled. He glared at Naruto for a few more seconds and made his way quickly out the door without even saying a word.

The confusion crossed Naruto's face yet again. What the hell was that guys problem? All Naruto did was wave. He didn't smell bad did he? He probably smelled like lake water where they didn't sanitize, but he didn't think that was a bad enough smell. Plus the nurses would have let him wash off if it was getting too bad, right? And he didn't want to brag, but he was quite decent looking! He got his fair share of bed companions and none of them ever seemed to think he was worth running away from, even after a rather awkward morning. As he was still trying to figure out what he did to make the stranger leave, his door opened again.

"Hey Gaara, look, the dumb blond is awake!" Kiba yelled as he walked into the room, followed by a calm and stoic faced Gaara. Naruto glared and opened his mouth to reply before he was interrupted.

"Good to see you lived." Gaara said, walking over to stand by Naruto's side.

Naruto glared over to Gaara and tried to cross his arms, only to scowl down at his arms as well when he remembered he couldn't. Why was everyone out to get him today?

"I am not out to get you, it really is good to see that you lived through the anesthesia." Gaara deadpanned and Naruto realized he must have said that out loud.

"Took you guys long enough to get here. I've been so bored!"

"Really? Its only eleven in the morning, dude. You've been here for like half a day."

"Its been 17 hours." Gaara looked over at Kiba, obviously offended that Kiba couldn't even do the simple math. Naruto chuckled when Kiba looked over at Gaara and stuck out his tongue.

"Why'd you look so confused when we walked in? Its not like we were angry you decided that jumping into a shallow end of a lake from a huge cliff was a good idea." Kiba scratched his cheek, sitting in a seat that was over by the window.

"Nah, it wasn't about you guys. Some guy walked into my room. All I did was wave at him and he looked at me like I just ran over his cat." He was getting a little annoyed that he couldn't gesture with both of his hands as he was talking. He glanced up at Gaara, and started scratching the back of his head with his good hand. "I don't smell bad, do I?"

Gaara rose his thin eyebrow, and Kiba made obvious noises of sniffing the air while smirking.

"Now that you mention it, you totally smell like shit. I should have left right when I got here as well. He must have been a smart guy."

"Oh shut up, asshole. You think you're so smart."

"I'm definitely smarter than you. I didn't jump, now did I?"

"I'm never going to live this down. Gaara, your not going to make fun of me are you?"

Gaara stared down at him for a few seconds before he rose his gaze to Kiba.

"Your right, Kiba. You must be smarter than him."

"Hey!"

Kiba doubled over in laughter as Naruto sunk into the bed and pouted.

~ o ~ 0 ~ o ~

The rest of the morning and into the afternoon had been spent with Kiba and Gaara, and even Ino, Sakura, and Hinata had visited him. He was so glad for the company and it warmed a little part of himself to know that his friends cared about him enough to visit. Unfortunately, it couldn't last. The girls had to leave to get back to studying, finals where only a few weeks away. Thanks to them, Kiba was reminded he had a project due on Monday, tomorrow, and had to leave as well.

Gaara stayed for another half an hour, not doing much talking but listening to Naruto talk about everything he wanted to do but couldn't. Eventually, though, he too had to leave to go to his part-time job. He parted as Naruto threw a backhanded comment about how exciting it must be to work in the school library. Gaara shook his head as he closed the door behind him, leaving Naruto in silence again.

He sat there in the silence for a few minutes and watched a bird fly through the air outside the window. He didn't feel down, but he was definitely in an introspective kind of mood. He tried to keep noise around him all the time, to distract him from having to think about the past and focus on the present. He could feel a melancholic mood starting to take over his room as the sky started to darken with grey clouds rolling in. He decided to try to stop it before it really took over the room.

He reached over to his phone and opened his Pandora to play some old rock that his dad used to play around the house. After listening to Come Sail Away for a few minutes, he found that it wasn't helping at all. He quickly typed out a few emails to his professors, explaining he wouldn't be in the lectures for a few days. The song ended and Candle in the Wind started up. He set the phone back down at his side and stared out the window again. He just couldn't shake the feeling.

He was brought out of his thoughts when he heard someone clear their throat. He turned his head to find another man with dark, long hair and dark eyes standing in front of the man that had scowled at him earlier in the day. What seemed to be the younger of the two was turned away, a deep frown on his face, and his hands in his jean's pockets. The one with long hair seemed relaxed and had a patient look on his face, his left arm in a sling.

"Hello, I'm Itachi." The long haired man gave Naruto an encouraging smile as he introduced himself. He gestured with his thumb toward the man behind him. "And this is my younger brother, Sasuke."

Naruto smiled back, a little uplifted from his previous mood with Itachi's attitude. "Hey. Naruto. It seems we have matching injuries! I jumped from the wrong ledge. Wha'd you do?"

His brother, Sasuke, made a scoffing noise behind Itachi right as he answered. "I was hit by a bus. It wasn't even going that fast, and it really was my fault. I have learned my lesson never to read my emails as I cross the street." Itachi barely turned his head to smirk towards his brother. Sasuke turned his eyes away from his brother again to stare at the door to the room, obviously not wanting to be there.

"Ah yes, buses can be tricky. They do tend to sneak up on you when you aren't paying attention."

Itachi chuckled a bit and it seemed like Sasuke's glare lightened up a little. The tension in the air seemed to raise, though, when Itachi turned back to look at Sasuke with an expectant look. The silence continued on for so long Naruto started to fidget and feel weird that two strangers were standing in his room and having a silent argument. Eventually Sasuke clicked his tongue and set his sights onto Naruto. His mouth was set in a line as he seemed to struggle with the words he wanted to say.

"I'm sorry about this morning. I was given the wrong room number and I got upset that I wasn't able to get to my brother's room as soon as possible. I shouldn't have acted the way I did."

It was obvious that Sasuke must have been practicing the speech in his head for a while, and by the way Itachi's face relaxed a little but still appeared rather put out, he had a hand in this apology.

"Well, thanks for the apology I guess. I'm just happy I apparently didn't scare you away cause I stink."

Itachi appeared amused, and Sasuke's face relaxed a little more.

"I don't know about that, I could smell something pretty...distinct." Sasuke quipped back, smirking faintly.

"Hey, distinct doesn't mean bad."

"Only if you are trying to be polite to someone you just met. I do try to have some manners."

"Yeah, because glaring at someone that just waved to you is such good manners."

"A glare from me when I'm in that bad of a mood is like a handshake."

"Ha, if that's like a handshake, an actual handshake must be pretty spectacular."

At that Itachi appeared to have an awful image in his head. "And with that lovely image running through my mind, I am starting to feel the effects of the pain killers and I am not allowed to drive myself home. How long are you staying?"

"The doctors said I would be out of here Tuesday night without any complications." Naruto could feel a bit of disappointment run through him. It would be back to boredom, especially since his friends would be on campus with classes for most of the day tomorrow and probably wouldn't be able to visit.

"Well, it was a pleasure to meet you Naruto, even if it was under odd circumstances." Itachi smirked back at his brother who shot him back with a halfhearted glare.

"It was a pleasure to meet you too. And I guess it was a nice meeting the second time around, Sasuke."

"Uh-huh. Just try not to jump off of ledges again, idiot." But Sasuke gave him a little grin to show he didn't mean anything by the insult.

Naruto waved as the two brothers left the room. Once the door closed behind them, he dropped his hand back down to his bed and looked out the window, watching as the colors changed while the sun started to set. He gave a small smile as he thought back to his previous encounter with the brothers, and hoped he would see at least one of them again soon.

~ o ~ 0 ~ o ~

He was so bored. Really, someone of his energy really wasn't made to just sit in a room and do nothing. He would have been sleeping, but a nurse had woken him up that morning for breakfast and to give him a sponge bath. He still felt his cheeks redden when he thought about it, but at least he knew he didn't smell now. He was also thankful he didn't have to wear a bed pan and was helped into the bathroom regularly. Talk about really embarrassing. He really wasn't helping his cheeks out.

He tampered down his embarrassment when he heard the door click open, excited that someone was there to visit him. He was a little shocked, though, to see that it was Sasuke that walked through the door. He really didn't expect to ever see the man again, but here he was back in his little room.

"Hey! Welcome back to Casa Naruto! We weren't expecting any guests so excuse that the bed has already been used." Naruto grinned at him, hoping his new acquaintance was in a good mood.

"Well I should have expected that since I didn't call ahead of time." Sasuke smirked back, walking over towards the chair that Kiba had sat in the morning before.

"Yes, how rude of you. It is only polite that you make sure people know you are coming. Ah, but we did find out yesterday that you are a rather rude person." Naruto chuckled a bit at his own joke, and Sasuke didn't seem offended as he just grinned right back.

"Ah yes, I suppose I never will live that down." Sasuke turned to the window and his lips thinned out. Naruto was about to make another clever remark, but once Sasuke looked away, Naruto bit his tongue. Sasuke seemed to let out a loud breathe through his nose, and turned back to Naruto. "I really do apologize for how I acted yesterday. I didn't handle being told my brother was in the hospital and was unconscious very well. I have my reasons, but that is really no excuse."

"Hey, like I said yesterday, its no big deal. I wouldn't know what its like, I was an only child, but I can imagine it was hard."

Sasuke gave him a look that seemed surprised but had very little of his face change. He pressed his lips together again and moved his eyes down to the floor. Sasuke opened his mouth, closed it, then looked back up and into Naruto's eyes. The tension in the room seemed to build until Naruto could feel it on his skin. They hadn't even had a full conversation yet, how could the tension between them be this high? Naruto tried to break it by smiling towards Sasuke, hoping to make him feel better. Sasuke continued to stare at him with that intense look for a few more seconds.

"Naruto, I know we don't know anything about each other, and that I made a horrendous first impression...and that I don't know if you are...well...would you mind going out with me sometime after you are out of the hospital? I want to properly apologize and actually get to know you."

He was taken aback by Sasuke's proposal. It was true that he knew little about Sasuke, but it was also true that there was something there as they stared at each other. A few more minutes and he would have probably asked the same question.

"Hmmmm, well, I suppose as a poor college student it wouldn't be very smart of me to pass on a free meal. And I guess if I could handle your bastard-like apology yesterday, I could handle a few hours with you."

"So that's a yes?" Sasuke smirked, looking confident.

"Only if you stay and keep me company for the day."

"I suppose I could sacrifice that time for the greater good."

* * *

Wow, even I could tell I tried to end that a little fast after the second break...well I gotta go to bed to get to work in the morning at 6:30 in the morning. I'm looking forward to this challenge, and I hope you are as well!

Ta-ta!


	2. Sinking

Number 2 of my one-shot challenge!

 **Summary** : Its their first year anniversary, and Naruto thinks he has the perfect idea for the event. But even the best laid plans can be affected by Murphy's law.

 **Warnings** : Cursing, a bit of citrus hints, and mentions of child abuse

 **Genre: Humor**

* * *

Sinking

One full year. Naruto couldn't believe that he was finally in a true relationship. Some people might think that one year is just a drop in a barrel, but for him, it was a great accomplishment. He had never been one to stay in relationships very long. His need for affection and his overly hyper attitude tended to tire out any person who he tried to date and he always seemed to keep some of his barriers up. No one had ever been able to break it down, never understood why he even had one in the first place. The longest relationship he had before this was with a woman that had lasted for 7 months in college. She had broken up with him the day before graduation because she was moving to Georgia for a job offer.

Then he had met Sasuke. Really it was an awful meeting. He was walking home from work after finding out his car had died sometime during the one day that mother nature decided to drop an unexpected rainstorm. His funds were already depressingly low after he had to pay his rent and utilities, and adding in the tow truck and any costs to get the vehicle fixed was just adding to his despair toward not being able to buy anything remotely fun or going out with his friends until his next paycheck. He had been happy he had been able to find an apartment within five miles of his job, until this moment when he realized just how far five miles was. He was by the local lake, and just on the other side he could see the apartment complex.

He looked up toward the sky and let out a deep sigh, pulling his collar down now that the rain had dropped to a slow misty drizzle, knowing that he was just about halfway home. He stopped and turned his head over to the lake when he heard a goose make a noise close to him. He didn't want to get bit by one and those suckers could be mean when they got too close.

Just as he found the goose in question, he caught a flash of light off of metal a second too late. A bicycle ran right into him, causing him to fall to the cement, and causing the rider to fall off his bike and roll straight into the lake. He supposed this was just the icing on the cake for his awful past hour. He quickly got to his knees, assessing himself for any damage. He had a few scrapes along his palm and his arm had that dumb tingling sensation of his funny bone getting hit. He looked over to where he heard splashing and immediately cupped his hand over his mouth to hide his laughter.

The guy that was on the bike had taken a tumble into the lake right where a bunch of cattails and tall grass sat along the edge. His black hair was flat to his skull and had pieces of the greenery throughout it. His clothes were all soaked through, even his raincoat, and he had this look on his face that was a mix of annoyance and exasperation that had Naruto still trying to stifle his laughter.

He got to his feet, rubbing his elbow. "You okay down there?"

The man glared up at him and wiped his bangs away from his face. "I wouldn't be down here if you didn't randomly stop in the middle of the sidewalk."

"You could have yelled out that you were behind me." Naruto kept the grin on his face as he walked over to the man to help him out of the lake. It was a long struggle filled with many curses on the dark haired man's side, and many chuckles from Naruto's side, but eventually they were both back up on the sidewalk by the bike. They talked a bit, making sure that there weren't any serious injuries on either side, and exchanging more sarcastic barbs and eventually their names.

They both started walking down the sidewalk, Sasuke not wanting to get back on the bike since his legs were still shaking a bit from the scare from the tumble. Though he didn't admit that to Naruto until three months into the relationship. They both found out they lived in the same apartment complex as they walked home and found that they shared many other similarities. By the time they got to the parking lot, they had set-up a date for that Friday night. The date had gone well and quickly they had developed a relationship. After Naruto's lease was over in November, he moved in with Sasuke with barely any arguments over what Naruto could keep and what he had to sell.

He had been planning this day for weeks. Calling the right people, getting the right materials, even trying to read Sasuke's mind to find out what he really wanted. Whenever Naruto had asked, all Sasuke had answered was that he was happy if he got to spend the day with him. Naruto had gone to bed last night with everything put into place, a plan to enact, and a romantic day to enjoy.

Naruto awoke to a faint buzzing noise. He tried to ignore it but soon he started feeling a constant thumping on his arm. He groaned, fighting off the waking world with all his might. It was too late however, and he recognized the noise as being his phone, and the thumping as being Sasuke whacking him repeatedly in the arm. He got up on his elbow and groped around on his bedside table for his phone. He brought it to his face, blinking quickly as the light aggravated his eyes temporarily. He groaned again, noticing that it was 4:00 in the morning as he swiped the screen to answer it.

"Hello?"

"Well you don't sound very awake." His boss's voice came over the line, his voice low and gravely like he had just been woken up as well.

"You're one to talk. Wha'd ya want?" Naruto said in the midst of a yawn, starting to wake up a bit more.

"I just got a call that Ricky is having a hard night, and I'll need you to go in for at least a few hours. You know your presence always helps him, and the sub for you today won't be able to help."

Naruto turned to his back and sat up, squinting at the door at the far end of the room. Ricky had been only one of two children that stayed at the psych center that were under Naruto's therapy cases. All of his other cases were out of facility, and he knew that what his boss said was true. He looked to his right and saw that Sasuke was laying on his side, facing him, his eyes closed, but his breathing was not deep enough for him to be asleep.

"I got it, I'll make my way in." Naruto exchanged a few more details with his boss before hanging up. He sat his phone back on the nightstand and laid back down next to Sasuke. He brought his hand up and started slowly massaged Sasuke's scalp. Sasuke opened his eyes only halfway and Naruto chuckled at just how tired his boyfriend looked. Sasuke yawned and Naruto heard his jaw crack from how wide his jaw got.

"Who was that?"

"Happy Anniversary. My boss called. Ricky is having a rough night." Naruto kissed under his chin, not wanting to have his boyfriend suffer from his morning breath.

"You have to go in?" Sasuke seemed to not care, though, and set his hand on the side of Naruto's face, pulling his face up to kiss him properly.

They kissed leisurely a few more times before Naruto finally backed his head away, keeping Sasuke's hand on his face. "Yeah, it shouldn't take me more than a few hours, and then I'll be right back home. I bet you won't even be out of bed by the time I get back."

Sasuke brushed his thumb across a his cheek and brought him close for one last kiss before moving his hand to Naruto's chest and giving a gentle push. "Go help him. The kid needs you and I need to get some more sleep."

"Fine. M'goin." Naruto got out of the bed and stretched his arms above his head, a little disappointed that he wasn't going to be able to spend the morning in bed with Sasuke. He quickly got a pair of jeans and a pair of boxer briefs out of his drawer in the dresser and stole one of Sasuke's blue short sleeve shirts and a pair of his socks out of one of his drawers and made his way into the bathroom for a shower, hoping that Ricky would just be calmed by him being there and go right to sleep. Right.

~o~0~o~

He made it out to his car around 11 in the morning. Ricky had a pretty bad night terror and Naruto had been talking him down from his fear of his step father for over 3 hours. When it was pill time, he had to help the other orderlies get him to take them. He was just lucky he was wearing the Kevlar shirt because he definitely would have lost some skin with the bite he had received. A manic depressive child with autistic problems and a past with an abusive step father could be taxing.

Naruto buckled his seat belt, and turned the keys in the ignition. All he heard was a click. He turned them back and tried again. Again, nothing but a click. He dropped his head onto the steering wheel. What was it with his car and the battery dying on the exact same day two years in a row? His car had worked perfectly after he had gotten the battery replaced, why would it decide to break now of all times?

Naruto dug around in his jean pocket for his phone. Hopefully Sasuke was up and could give him a jump so he didn't have to call a tow truck. He found his number under his favorites and hit the call button, putting it on speaker phone so he didn't have to put it up on his ear. After the fourth ring, Sasuke answered.

"I thought you were supposed to be home before I got up." Sasuke's voice came through clear through the phone sounding slightly amused.

"Yeah, it was pretty bad, I don't think I've seen him like this since he was first admitted." Naruto scratched his jaw, feeling the stubble there since he didn't shave this morning.

"Well at least he's better now." Naruto didn't have the heart, or the ability because of doctor patient confidentiality, to tell him that they had to sedate him after he started hurting himself when he couldn't hurt the adults holding him down. Hopefully they could keep him calm until Naruto came back to work tomorrow.

"So, I need you to come and give me a jump. Turns out my car and electricity always fight on this day."

"I can't, Itachi took my car yesterday since his will be in the shop for the week, remember?"

"Apparently not. And I'm guessing your brother is at work right now, isn't he?" Naruto let out a long sigh. Looks like he was going to be taking a tow truck. Wait.

"You realize that this means we will have to call my brother to chauffeur us to to dinner tonight, right?" The smirk was easy to hear in Sasuke's voice. Looks like he was going to have to cancel their reservations.

"Well shit, what are we going to do for dinner then?"

"Language, Naruto. I don't know. Guess you'll have to think of something."

With that the phone went dead. Well that was weird. Was Sasuke really looking forward to eating at that restaurant? He usually didn't hang up on Naruto like that. Maybe he was mad that he had to go into work today? But he seemed fine when he left, if not a little grouchy because it was so early. Hm.

Not thinking anymore about it, he got out of his car and started the long walk back to the apartment. He didn't mind it as much this time since it was actually a pretty nice day out. Maybe a little warm, but it was June. He eventually got to the lake and saw all the kids running around on the beach area he passed on his way to the apartment. A smile lit his face as he heard them giggling and splashing around in the lake. He had walked another few feet before he started hearing one of the kids yelling for help. He turned to see one of the younger kids far out in the lake splashing in the water in erratic movements.

He immediately sprang into action and ran down the sandy bank and into the water. He swam out to the kid and grabbed him around the waist, pulling him toward the shore, the kid coughing out the water from his lungs. Once the kid could stand on his own Naruto set him on his feet and helped him over to the sand. His friends swarmed him, buzzing around him asking if he was okay, why was he out that far when he couldn't swim, how did it feel to drown, and why did he have to be so dumb?

"Hey!" Naruto shouted, gaining all five of the kids attention. "Are you guys swimming here without an adult?"

The kids started looking between each other, different looks of guilt and nervousness. Naruto went into a lecture, all the kids dropping their heads as he scolded them. The only thing going through his own mind was what would Sasuke say when he found out Naruto was the one that took a swim this year.

~o~0~o~

Naruto walked into the apartment, his clothes mostly dry by now, but definitely feeling like he needed another shower. He took his shoes off on the mat by the door and dropped his keys in the bowl on the little table they kept by the mat. He turned the corner from the from the front hallway and found Sasuke sitting on the couch folding clothes.

"I'm home." Naruto plopped down next to Sasuke, hoping that he could steal his attention away from being domestic.

"I can see that." Sasuke set down the shirt he finished folding and turned to Naruto, a grin on his face. Naruto quickly moved in and kissed him, putting his hand behind his head to deepen the kiss. When they pulled apart Naruto was smiling and Sasuke's eyes were a little glazed. "Why do you smell like lake water?"

"Ah. Kid was drowning. I jumped in to save him." Naruto felt his cheeks redden a bit and he scratched the bridge of his nose.

"How very heroic. Did his mother thank you for your bravery?" Sasuke smirked and brought his hand up to loosely wrap around Naruto's wrist, rubbing his thumb on the inside of his wrist.

"There weren't any adults there. Apparently the kids had lied to their parents about not swimming in the lake. Hopefully that teaches them to be a little more careful."

"Yes, and I suppose you were the poster child for safety when you were their age."

"That's different."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. Obviously. I was just so awesome as a child that I didn't have to worry about death. I laughed in its face."

"Alright Simba, bring the ego down."

Sasuke had an amused smirk on his face that was doing funny things to Naruto's stomach. He leaned in for another kiss as his stomach growled. Sasuke chuckled during the kiss and eventually pushed Naruto back softly as he got off the couch.

"Lets go make a small lunch and discuss what new dinner plans we want to do."

"You know just what I want." Naruto got up from the couch and grabbed his boyfriends hand, following him into the kitchen.

~o~0~o~

While they were eating the awesome grilled cheese sandwiches Sasuke had made, Naruto had come up with a brilliant idea. He had to keep it from Sasuke though, explaining that it would ruin the rest of the surprise he had in store for him. He did need him out of the apartment, though, as he made preparations, so after Sasuke was done putting the laundry away, he pushed him out the door with a kiss and the grocery list. The store was only two blocks away on this side of the lake, so it wouldn't be that bad of a trip. Naruto set to work quickly, making sure everything would be done by the time Sasuke came back. When he did walk through the door all that could be seen was Naruto's old college book bag and Naruto cleaning the last of the dishes he must have been using.

Naruto turned when he heard Sasuke walking across the tiled floor and smiled at him. Sasuke walked up behind him, kissed the back of his neck and wrapped his arms around Naruto's torso.

"You've been rather cuddly today Sasuke. Did someone slip you something while I was gone?"

"It must have been you. I know how much you like affection."

"Oh no, you caught me. I guess I shouldn't make us any kind of food anymore since I can't be trusted." Naruto set the last dish in the dish drainer, and turned in Sasuke's arms to face him.

"Do you really hate cooking so much that you would drug me to get out of it?" Sasuke leaned in and started kissing along his jaw.

"Its not so much the cooking I don't like, its the cleanup."

"Ah yes. I remember how bad your apartment used to be. I must admit you are also a terrible influence on me. I never would have let it get as bad as it sometimes does now that you live here." Sasuke moved down to his neck and Naruto ran his hands through Sasuke's hair. He hummed in appreciation.

"Oh please, now it actually looks like someone lives here. It used to be so clean I thought you lived in a hospital." Sasuke started moving his hands up and down Naruto's sides as he moved his way back up to Naruto's mouth.

"Have I ever told you that you talk too much." Sasuke took Naruto's mouth with his own, moving his hands to Naruto's lower stomach. Naruto dropped his hands down to his ass and pulled his body closer. Sasuke moved his hands up to Naruto's chest as the lower part of their bodies came together. Naruto moved his hands up and down his back a few times before breaking their make-out session.

"Haven't you ever heard good things come to those who wait?" Naruto asked, his voice rather gruff and his eyes had a definite glaze. Sasuke wasn't much better and his hair was going in all sorts of directions from Naruto running his hands through it.

"Why wait for something you could have now." Sasuke was using that voice and Naruto was having a hard time fighting against it. But no, he had made plans and they were going to stick to it. They could be adults and keep their libido under control.

"I demand to have dinner first at least. I can't be too easy or you'll lose interest in me." Naruto grinned cheekily at him and waggled his eyebrows.

"Never." Sasuke gave him a look he could only describe as open affection. It made Naruto's heart flutter and he leaned in to give Sasuke one last chaste kiss before grabbing Sasuke's hips and pushing him backward a bit.

"Well, how about we get ready for our date then, and maybe, if you play your cards right, you can get lucky tonight." Naruto let go and started to walk away when he heard Sasuke murmur behind him.

"I think I already did get lucky."

~o~0~o~

So far his day hadn't gone according to plan, but this would be different. He hadn't worn anything fancy and Sasuke followed his lead by wearing a simple red button-up shirt and dark wash jeans. Naruto helped him out by rolling the sleeves up past his elbows. Sasuke didn't like how the left one was a little smaller than the right, so he ended up undoing it and redoing it himself as Naruto changed into his white cargo shorts and a simple black and orange polo.

They kept up the light atmosphere from earlier in the kitchen as they got ready and even as they left the apartment, Naruto grabbing the backpack. Naruto grabbed Sasuke's hand as they walked toward the lake, Naruto gabbing about anything that came to mind and Sasuke saying something when it was needed. Eventually they reached the boat dock located on their side of the lake and Sasuke gave him a confused, surprised look. When they came up to the specific boat Naruto wanted, Sasuke's look changed to one of incredulity and amusement.

The dingy they would be using for the evening was a small little fishing boat with a motor on the end, a snug fit for four people. He had asked one of their neighbors if it would be okay to borrow it for the night if he paid for whatever gas they used. He helped Sasuke get in the little boat, untied it from its port, and got in himself. He pulled the motor cord a couple of times before it finally took and he steered it carefully out and into a nice quiet spot of the lake where they wouldn't be disturbed. Naruto took the backpack off his back and turned off the engine.

"Well this wasn't what I was expecting. I can tell you went all out." the corner of Sasuke's lip twitched, giving away that he was more amused than anything else. Naruto stuck his tongue out at him as he started taking his carefully prepared BLTs and chips out of his backpack.

"Well I'm sorry, but I don't really have the money for any of those fancy boats. Do you?" Naruto finished setting everything on the seat in front of them and looked up at Sasuke, seeing the amused quirk to his lips and the love in his eyes. Naruto felt the need to kiss him again, and started leaning forward when he heard a loud metallic creak.

He and Sasuke started looking around them for where the sound had come from when they both heard a sort of popping, ripping noise. Naruto looked under his bench to find water seeping into the tiny boat, a large x of duct tape floating on the rapidly invading water. Naruto cursed loudly and Sasuke grabbed what he could of their dinner throwing it into the back pack. Naruto tried to put the duct tape back on, but soon discovered that it wasn't really supposed to be used to keep water out of boats. Rather quickly, the boat had filled up with water and Sasuke and he moved into the water, the backpack on Sasuke's back.

"Well that was rather romantic." Sasuke watched as the last part of the motor sank below the blue-green surface. Naruto put a pout on his face as he tread water.

"This sucks."

"Its not that bad." Sasuke swam over closer to him and grabbed his arm, pulling him in the direction of the shore.

"Yes it is. Its like today I'm a living Murphy's law. Everything I've tried to do today has failed. It started with sleeping in, continued with car trouble and not being able to go to your favorite restaurant, and now I've sank Mr. Miller's boat down into the bottom of the lake." Naruto felt tears start to prickle the corner of his eyes, so he dunked down into the water to hopefully hide any stray tears. He just wanted this day to be so perfect, and he ended up screwing it up.

They reached the shore, a bit short of breath, and sat on it. Sasuke opened the back pack and found that the wrapping on the sandwiches wasn't tight enough. The sandwiches had been soaked through and the chips were soggy. Naruto looked away, not wanting to see the annoyed look on Sasuke's face that he was sure must be there. He had screwed it all up just by being himself. He had ruined something he was so excited for. All he wanted was to show Sasuke how much he meant to him, show him that they were meant to be, but instead he just showed him how much of a screw-up he was.

Naruto continued to dwell in his new melancholic mood, until he heard something he wasn't expecting. He turned back toward Sasuke, hoping his ears weren't playing tricks on him. Sasuke was sitting next to him, laughing. Not just the chuckles he had been used to, but actually laughing. The sound of it had Naruto enraptured for several seconds before Sasuke turned to him wiping tears from his eyes.

"Sorry, it was just the bad kind of ironic how our relationship started exactly one year ago because of this lake and now we are sitting on the bank, wet from our boat sinking. I say that sometime soon we move away from the lake, so no more accidents can happen." Sasuke smirked over to him, humor still present in his gaze.

"You mean you aren't mad?"

"Why would I be mad about something that wasn't your fault?"

Naruto searched Sasuke's face, trying to find some hint of annoyance or anger. Whether Sasuke was aware of what he was doing or not, his expression was open and full of nothing but his earlier mirth and something that made his chest feel tight and his heart flutter. It was something he had seen many times, and something he had never gotten tired of. He sniffed a bit, feeling his emotion get the better of him.

"Thank you for the wonderful year Sasuke." Naruto gave him a smile full of love and affection, and saw Sasuke's version pointed right back at him. Sasuke cupped the side of Naruto's neck and leaned in for a long chaste kiss. The pulled away from each other, twin smiles on their faces.

"Happy Anniversary, Naruto."

* * *

And that was part two! I noticed as I was writing it I need to work a little on movement descriptions and definitely dialog. I keep forgetting that people need to talk...anyway.

If anyone was interested, Naru has a masters degree in child psychology with an emphasis of abuse and its effects and works at a place called the children's psych center that is connected to one of the local hospitals. Sasuke is actually a secretary for the city school director. Both have obviously lost their parents and Naruto used be a part of a abusive foster family. Its why he does what he does.

I hope you enjoyed, tune in next time for the title Father.


	3. Father

Number 3 of my one-shot challenge! Sorry it took so long. The first story I wrote for this prompt wasn't humor from the perspective I was going to post with. Needless to say, because of this, I have two and a half of a three chapter story written because I didn't realize it wasn't funny until I started writing the perspective I wanted to post. Then I had issues getting inspiration for this chapter until this came out. Hope you enjoy!

 **Disclaimer** : Forgot to put this in at the beginning, but I don't own Naruto.

 **Summary** : Naruto has lived with his boyfriend for over a year, and now they are forced into having a priest stay at their apartment. The kicker? The priest doesn't know they are a couple.

 **Warnings** : There is smut. Boyxboy smut. A citrus fruit is below. If you hadn't figured it out this specific oneshot is M. Also religious ideas are at the end and they are based off a conversation I have had with a pastor.

* * *

 **Father**

Naruto walked in to his father and his favorite diner. It was just the right amount of loud, the coffee flowed quickly, and the workers were always willing to offer a friendly smile. It also helped that he lived about four blocks away with his boyfriend. He took a look around and quickly spotted his father in a booth by the front window. His smile lit his face as he sat in front of his father.

"Hey dad, how are ya?"

"Just wasting away." Minato gave a gentle smile back.

"Seems like. This'll be the perfect place to get more meat on your bones."

"Oh really?" His dad appeared amused as he glanced over the menu in front of him. A waitress came by with a pot of coffee and Naruto flipped his cup over and set it toward the end of the table. She filled it up, flashing a smile toward them and walked down the aisle.

"Yes really! Fried food is always good for you." Naruto picked up his filled cup and took a sip.

"I wonder why my doctor has been lying to me then."

"Pft. Doctors don't have the experience that I do. Have you ever been to the Iowa fair? Two words. Fried butter."

"When did you go to Iowa?" His dad gave him a quizzical look as he set the menu to the end of the table.

"Ah. Junior year? That time Kiba and I traveled and were on our way to Washington. We went and traveled I-80 most of the way. As we were passing through the middle of Iowa I saw a billboard talking about this cow made of butter and we stopped at the fair."

"A cow made of butter?" His father's lip quirked into what could almost be called a smirk, but was closer to a grin.

"I know. Weird right? Anyway, there was this stand that would fry _anything_! They just carried butter because it was a apparently a thing they just did."

"I can't even imagine." Just then the waitress came back with a small smile. Both boys ordered and exchanged pleasantries with the woman before she went off to put them into the kitchen. Minato pick up his own cup and started sipping.

"So how is the new apartment? Everything all settled in?"

Naruto snorted. "We've been there a month, dad."

"And if I know you, you wouldn't be done by now. In fact, did you ever completely move in to Sasuke's apartment?"

"And you expect him to let me get away with not putting stuff away? I swear I almost broke my back with the amount of times we moved around that couch. 'No, it needs to be more centered. Do you think it would be better to make it more for entertainment or conversation? I don't know if the wood matches around it, we might have to buy a new couch.'"

"That was an awful impression. I think I'll be insulted for him."

"I am the best at impressions. I don't know what your talking about."

"Uh-huh." Naruto picked his cup up and took a big gulp, now that it was somewhat cool. It still burned a bit on the way down though, and Naruto must have made a face that caused his dad to chuckle.

"So anything new with you?" Naruto took a smaller drink of his coffee, glad that the smaller amount didn't burn like the earlier mistake.

"Well...yes. There is something." His dad looked out the window quickly and rubbed the back of his head.

"Alright, that was the nervous gesture. I would know. I do it too." Naruto narrowed his eyes at his dad, wondering what his father could be so nervous about. His father let out a sigh and dropped his arm back to the table.

"I may need a favor from you." He flicked his gaze back to his son then down to his coffee cup. Naruto set his empty one toward the end of the table for the waitress to fill when she came by.

"Of course. Just name it." Naruto was a little worried, his dad didn't usually ask for favors, but after everything he and his dad went through after his mother died, he would do what ever it was.

"I may have told someone they could stay in your guest room until they found a place of their own." Minato looked back up to his son, bringing his cup back up to his face.

"Told? As in, you didn't ask me before saying it was okay?" Naruto wasn't really mad, he would call his emotions more...annoyed.

"I couldn't really say no. I would've offered for him to stay in your old room, but I'll be out of town starting on Tuesday." Minato did have a bit of a guilty expression on his face, so Naruto sighed and decided to give in.

"Fine. But you are explaining it to Sasuke once he gets here." Naruto took a sip and saw his dad get another look of nervousness over his face. He grinned knowing that the wait for Sasuke to get there would be punishment enough for not asking first. Their food came by a few minutes after the table lapsed into silence. Both started to dig in and the silence didn't feel awkward or tense. Once Naruto had finished his eggs, he heard the bell over the door jingle and turned.

Sasuke walked in and looked around until he spotted them and walked over, much like Naruto had earlier, except without the smile.

"Good morning, Sasuke."

"Hello Minato, its good to see you." Sasuke sat next to Naruto and grabbed one of his pieces of bacon. Naruto sent him a grin, grabbing his coffee cup.

"What were you up to that you didn't join us for breakfast?" Minato cut-off a piece of his pancakes and took a bite.

"I had to go drive my brother to the auto body shop. Someone hit his car the other day and he left it there yesterday for an estimate. I had to drive him back over from our place to pick it up."

"That's rather inconvenient."

Naruto snorted. "The guy lives in the middle of no where and we bought the apartment with the guest room just for him. I like to call it keeping tabs on his brother."

"Hn. At least he has a real job."

"Hey, being a barista is a real job, I just have odd hours."

"So you keep telling me." Sasuke and he shared a look before Naruto's face burst into a smile. Sasuke sent him a smirk back. Sasuke turned to Minato at the same time Naruto went back to his hash-browns. "So what did I miss?"

Minato took a sip of his coffee then cleared his throat.

"I need to ask you if it is alright if an old family friend can stay in your guest bedroom." Naruto rolled his eyes as he chewed his hash browns, not planning on throwing his dad under the bus for not telling the whole truth.

"I don't see a problem with that. Why couldn't they stay with you?" His tone didn't sound upset or annoyed, so that was a good sign.

"I have to leave on Tuesday for a trip up to Annapolis for the rest of the week. I didn't want him staying at the house all by himself. Especially since he is getting on in years." Hm. Old family friend who is old who could possibly be looking for new housing. Naruto honestly couldn't think of who his dad was talking about and he was starting to get impatient as to who it could be.

"I see. Who exactly is it?" Sasuke crossed his fingers in front of his face as Naruto grabbed his coffee and took a drink.

"Father Maloy." Naruto started coughing, his coffee going down the wrong way. He felt a few good hits to his back, and it surprisingly helped a little bit. Eventually, he was able to breath again and gave his father a stupified look.

"Father Maloy? The catholic priest Father Maloy?! You want me and my boyfriend to house a priest for an unknown amount of time? Are you _insane?!_ _"_ Naruto had gone up quite a few octaves and decibels by the end of his rant, his father looked rather embarrassed and guilty.

"I know and you know I wouldn't ask this of you if it wasn't important. Father Maloy helped us out a lot while Kushina was sick and I really feel like I owe him a lot." Naruto took in a deep breath, feeling the little sting that his mother's name always gave him. He looked out the window for a little while, watching the people outside.

He watched a mother cross the street with her toddler son holding her hand. Really he should have been over it by now, considering it had been almost 15 years ago, but the pain was still fresh at times. His mother had died after a long fight with leukemia and he only really remembered her as being sick. He knew there had to be times where she was healthy, but for most of his life she had been sickly. The only thing she had asked of her two boys was for them to attend church with her.

Naruto slowly moved his gaze back over to Sasuke, taking in what he must be thinking. All he could tell was Sasuke had a searching look of his own directed back at Naruto. He really didn't know what this was going to do for their relationship and they would definitely have to talk about how to handle the situation, but for now there really was only one question.

"Sasuke, are you okay with this?" Sasuke continued to stare at him for a few more seconds before turning back to Minato.

"So, when should we expect the Father."

~o~0~o~

One thing that Minato had relayed to them was that he never told Father Maloy about their relationship, just that they lived together. Naruto and Sasuke had discussed it, and after several glares from Sasuke and many more frustrated noises from Naruto, they both decided to keep their relationship a secret. The Father would take what they were calling Naruto's room and Naruto would still sleep in their bed. It would still be a sacrifice, though, since they also decided that it was for the best to keep all couple activities to a minimum while the Father was there.

Now, however, was Wednesday. Father Maloy would be there any minute and they were ready. Naruto had placed some of his clothes in the dresser in the guest room to make it look like he slept there. Sasuke had come home in a rather sour mood and Naruto was in the middle of giving him a shoulder massage as he watched the news.

"Starting to feel better?"

"I'll feel a lot better when we don't have the priest in our house and you can make me feel better in other ways." Naruto smacked the back of his head before moving it back to his shoulders. Sasuke groaned just as there was a knock on the door. Naruto kissed the top of Sasuke's head as he grunted from disappointment.

"Don't worry, it'll be over before you know it." Naruto ran to the door and opened it, finding a rather short, balding man with round glasses. He was wearing the standard priest flock and smiled a bit when he saw him. Naruto held out his hand. "Father Maloy, good to see you."

The Father took his hand in his. "My have you grown. A fine young man. A fine young man. You look just like your father." Naruto moved out of the way and let him in. The Father grabbed the suitcase he had dropped out in the hall and carried it inside. Once the Father set down the suitcase he looked over to Sasuke. He stood off the couch and walked over to Father Maloy.

"Hello Father, my name is Sasuke." Sasuke held out his hand for the Father to shake.

"Sasuke. I am Father Christopher Maloy. Thank you for sharing your home with me. I will try not to be a bother." Naruto had to choke back his laugh. Sasuke was doing a great poker face though.

"I'm sure you won't."

"Come on Father, I'll show you to your room." Naruto pointed down the hallway and picked up the suitcase, having to take two attempts from not knowing just how heavy it was going to be.

"Lead the way, son." Naruto walked down the hall, questioning how an old man that size could carry such a heavy suitcase up three flights of stairs. He reached the only door on the right side and opened it.

"This is the room you'll be staying in. I've moved most of my clothes to Sasuke's room so you can use the dresser." Naruto grunted as he threw the suitcase on the guest bed. He dusted his hands off and turned to the Father.

"Thank you, son. This will do nicely. This will do nicely." He smiled as he examined the room, and Naruto felt like he was sweating profusely. He was so worried that the priest would know, then he would throw a fit in their house, condemn his father to hell, and force the entire city to think that they were demons on the earth...alright so he was probably exaggerating that last part, but the rest seemed like something that could happen. Naruto stood there in an awkward silence for a few minutes, sweating and imagining all sorts of impossible scenarios, the most ridiculous of which was the Father getting into a giant robot and destroying the apartment building.

"Alright, so, I'm...I'm going to let you unpack and start dinner. Is lasagna okay?" Naruto started scratching his cheek and avoided looking at the Father.

"Ah, I have not had that in years. I am an awful cook, just dreadful. I am looking forward to it." The Father smiled toward Naruto and made his way toward his suitcase. Naruto didn't stay in the room any longer and went to the kitchen attached to the living room. Sasuke had switched the channel to some kind of movie, and Naruto couldn't help but to rub Sasuke's head as he passed by. He started taking out the pans and kept telling himself everything would be just fine.

~o~0~o~

"What do you do for a living Sasuke?" Father Maloy had finished most of his lasagna and the first part of the meal was mostly silent. Sasuke was never really very talkative, and Naruto was too nervous about what he might accidentally slip. Lucky, the Father seemed just fine to eat in silence until now that he mostly just had water left of his meal.

"I am an independent architect. I used to work for a company, but once I got a few high paying clients, I could afford to start my own business."

"Oh! You are so young! You must have a lot of talent. A lot of talent. Any family close by?" Sasuke glanced toward Naruto who glanced right back and gave an encouraging grin.

"My brother lives in town, and my father...does not." Naruto winced internally at the words that Sasuke didn't say.

"Ah, I see, I see. Family is very important, but the family that we make can be more important." Naruto and Sasuke's eyes widened and stared at the Father as he was getting up from the table. Naruto turned toward Sasuke with a hesitant look.

"Is he a mind reader?" Naruto whispered to Sasuke.

"No, he must have just read that it wasn't a good situation and tried to cheer me up." Despite his words, Naruto saw him narrow his eyes as he watched the Father put his dishes in the sink.

"Right, because if he knew..." Both of them stayed quiet as they imagined a how the Father would react.

"I am going to finish unpacking and start planning my service for this weekend. Have a good night boys. Ah, so busy, so busy."

"Night Father Maloy." Naruto called to him as he walked away. Sasuke just grunted.

~o~0~o~

Thursday morning came to Naruto too quickly. He woke from a quick set of knocks on their door and a still sleeping Sasuke in his arms. He brought the arm around Sasuke's waist up to his eye and rubbed it with his palm. Another set of knocks came.

"Naruto, boy, I need a little help, I do not know how to use the shower." Naruto turned his upper body and head to look at the clock on his nightstand.

"Shit." He whispered as he saw the red lights telling him it was a little after 5 in the morning. He sat up and rubbed both eyes with his palms, trying to wake up just a little more so he wouldn't stumble his way to the door.

"What's goin' on?" He heard Sasuke mumble from his side.

"Nothin. Back to sleep. Be back." Naruto threw his covers off and walked to the door. He opened it to find the Father in a t-shirt and flannel pants with his frock for the day folded in his arms.

"Ah, Naruto my son. Thank you for helping me. I could not figure it out after I tried for a few minutes. Thank you, thank you." Naruto mumbled out his reply, but didn't know if it was actual words at all. He walked into the second bathroom and walked to the stand in shower. He looked back to make sure the Father was watching before he pulled the handle toward him and turning it toward the hot water. He mumbled something else out that he hoped was english and walked out of the bathroom. "Thank you Naruto my boy."

Naruto walked into his bedroom and plopped back down on his side of the bed. He quickly got under the covers again and snuggled back up to Sasuke's back to hopefully get two more hours of sleep. It seemed like all he did was blink and their alarm was going off. Naruto tried to snuggle his forehead farther into Sasuke's shoulder blades, but Sasuke was already moving to get up. Naruto huffed as he watched Sasuke stretch while sitting on the side of the bed with half lidded eyes. His eyes shot open, though, when he couldn't remember if he closed their bedroom door after returning to bed. He looked that way and the door was properly closed. He breathed a little sigh of relief and got up on his knees and kissed Sasuke's nape.

"Mornin."

"Good morning. What was the Father doing at our door this morning?"

"Couldn't figure out the shower. Scrambled eggs?"

"Hn. With grapes." Sasuke got up to start making breakfast and Naruto stretched like a cat before making his way to the shower.

~o~0~o~

Naruto walked into the main room to see the Father at the table with a cup of coffee and Sasuke finishing up on the scrambled eggs. He walked over toward the fridge.

"Good morning again boy. Are you a little more awake this time?" The Father seemed to be in a good mood as Naruto took the juice out of the fridge and reached for a glass.

"Yeah. Sorry about my lack of conversation skills this morning, but I was not really awake when I went to help you out. What would you like to drink with breakfast? More coffee?"

"Yes. Dreadful habit, just dreadful, but I cannot go a morning without about two cups at breakfast. Could you pour me another cup? If you would not mind." The Father smiled to Naruto and Naruto sent him a grin back. Naruto walked over to the coffee pot and set his left hand on Sasuke's lower back since he was right next to the pot. Naruto walked back over to the Father and poured him a second cup. He also filled the cup that was already on the table that he assumed Sasuke was going to use. He set the pot down on the pot holder they kept on the table so Sasuke could have his second and maybe third cup. The Father took a sip of his coffee. "Ah, nothing better. Nothing better."

Sasuke silently walked over and set the completed breakfast in front of each of their chairs and went back to grab the bowl of grapes and another bowl of apples. As he passed Naruto to get to his own chair he rested his hand on the back of his chair. Breakfast was much like dinner and the silence wasn't as awkward as Naruto thought it would be. Once again, though, once the Father was mostly done with his breakfast, just the last dregs of his coffee left, he became talkative again.

"I am going to be at the church most of the day. Dear, dear, I should be back around seven I think. Maybe a bit earlier." The Father chugged down the last of his coffee and let out a loud satisfied sigh.

"Ah, before you go, I need to give you my dads spare key." Naruto got up and walked over to a bowl they keep by the front door. He looked through it for the key he got from his dad before he left for Annapolis. Once he found it he handed it to the Father who was already next to him, obviously about to leave.

"Have a wonderful day, boys. A wonderful day. I know I will try to." And with that, Father Maloy walked out of the door. Naruto heard Sasuke push back his chair and turned to see him cleaning up the table from their breakfast.

"See, I told you it wouldn't be that bad." And he sent him his thousand megawatt smile.

~o~0~o~

"This is awful." Naruto covered his eyes with the palms of his hands and plopped his back down onto the bed so he was laying down.

"Its your own fault you know. You have no one to blame but yourself." Naruto pouted but the effect was lost since his eyes were still covered by his hands. He had tried to make-out with Sasuke right after he got home from work, but just as he got Sasuke on the couch, they heard the key move in the lock. For the rest of the night and dinner, Naruto kept thinking about the make-out that could have been and had tortured himself so much with the images that he forgot one very important fact.

"I don't know if I can go a few days with no sex. Especially since we sleep in the same bed." Sasuke snorted as he took a coat out of their closet.

"You'll survive. Celibacy never killed anyone, just ask Father Maloy." Sasuke smirked over at him and Naruto dropped his hands to scowl over at him. He turned away from Sasuke toward the wall with the window and crossed his arms. What did Sasuke know? He never had to go a long period without sex if he didn't have to, damn good looking bastard. The silence continued for a few more minutes until the bed dipped with Sasuke's added weight.

"You do realize that at the very least we should be able to have sex on Sunday's while he is at service. At least if you get up early enough." Naruto made a face and turn his head toward Sasuke.

"Wouldn't you feel weird that while we should be at church, we'll be doing...that?"

Sasuke chuckled. "Not really. Our kind aren't really liked by churches anyway."

"What? Asians?" Naruto joked and laughed at the exasperated look Sasuke gave him.

"Why do I continuously forget you have an awful sense of humor?"

"Oh please. You enjoy my sense of humor, you laughed at my joke about Lindsey Lohan just yesterday."

"Uh-huh, how do you know I'm not just humoring you?"

"Because you would laugh at way more of my jokes if you were."

"Guess your right. That's a first." Sasuke leaned down to kiss him before he could start another round of conversation. Naruto savored it since they didn't kiss as often with the addition in their home. The kiss was slow and entirely too short in Naruto's opinion, even though it lasted a few minutes. Sasuke broke the kiss and got under the covers. He then pushed at Naruto's side to get him to face the wall again and threw an arm around his waist. "Good night."

"Night Sas."

~o~0~o~

"Its about time you got home!" Naruto grabbed Sasuke's waist as soon as he closed the door.

"Could I at least get my shoes off?"

"No way, I'll do it. Father Maloy said he wasn't going to be home till around 9 tonight and I want to get some before Sunday, thank you very much." And with that Naruto dived right for Sasuke's neck.

"Wow, what a romantic atmosphere." But despite Sasuke's words, he reached back and locked the door anyway. He pulled Naruto's face up to his and kissed him heatedly. Naruto fought back pushing him against the door. Their tongues tangoed for a few minutes, building the heat in both of their bodies and causing a pleasant fluttering to occur to his heart. He eventually got tired of being by the door and pulled Sasuke toward the couch. He pushed him down on the sofa and crawled between Sasuke's legs. He started the kiss again and pushed one of his hands under Sasuke's shirt feeling his lower abs and moving up toward-

The sound of a key fitting into the lock rang thru both of their ears. Sasuke pushed Naruto to the ground and quickly walked back to their bedroom. Naruto sat up and put his head between his knees, trying to get rid of both the ache in his ass and the boner he was sporting. The door opened and closed, with the lock clicking into place.

"Sorry, I am here a little early, I just-oh Naruto, what are you doing on the floor? Are you feeling okay my boy?" Naruto turned to see the Father taking off his shoes and looking at him with a concerned face.

"I'm fine. I promise." Naruto smiled despite him still trying to get his boner under control.

~o~0~o~

Naruto had Sasuke kneeling over him, his hands all over Sasuke's chest as a hot, wet mouth explored his own. He pulled on the hem of his shirt when a particular hard suck occurred right above his nipple. He took a few deep breathes before opening his eyes and interrupting Sasuke's exploration to take off his shirt. Instead of going back to his chest, however, Sasuke seemed more content to move to his mouth.

Naruto parted his lips for Sasuke's questing tongue and nips of his teeth and continued feeling the now now exposed ribs. He felt Sasuke move one of his hands to his side, tickling the ribs. After a few slow strokes up and down the few ribs, he felt the hand move lower down his side. The hand reached his waist, just above his-

The sound of a key fitting into the lock sounded and Sasuke jumped off the table, grabbed something off the floor and walked briskly toward their room. Naruto yelped and fell off the dining room table, noticing that Sasuke grabbed his shirt since he was now face first in Sasuke's shirt. He got on his hands and knees just as the Father walked into the door.

"Ah, Naruto, my son. Doing some exercising?" Naruto internally groaned at how true the statement was supposed to be and nodded his head.

~o~0~o~

Their clothes were already shed and Sasuke had a pleasant grip on his hip as they kissed passionately. Slowly Sasuke moved his was down his chin and throat with his mouth until he found Naruto's pulse point. He felt Sasuke move his hand from his hip and move it slowly toward the thing he really wanted him to grab. Slowly, so slow, he purposefully set his alarm so they could do this before Father Maloy got home, and he was going to enjoy every little thing that Sasuke-

The door to their apartment closing caused both boys to jump groan.

~o~0~o~

Finally, he had Sasuke under him and was just where one of them should be. He started thrusting his hips slowly, savoring the feeling he had missed for almost a full week as Sasuke trembled-

A knock on the bedroom door startled both of them as the shower water kept going as background noise.

~o~0~o~

"I CAN'T STAND THIS ANYMORE!" Naruto was at work, the customers for the local coffee shop were all locals and used to their barista yelling during his shift.

"Could you be any louder?" His friend Ino shot him a glare as she continued wiping off the espresso machine. He stuffed his hands into the front pocket of his apron and pouted to her.

"Six days. Today will be the sixth day since Sasuke and I have had sex. I haven't gone that long without it since I was single. And the worst part is we get so far and so heated up and we can never finish! Well, at least I can't. Bastard probably runs back to the bedroom to get rid of his problem by himself."

"Why are we talking about this in the middle of the store." Naruto glanced over to make sure she wasn't angry. All he saw was the pink tint to her cheeks, and no glare, so she couldn't have been too mad about the conversation.

"Because I'm frustrated and need some kind of outlet. Since I can't do what I want to do, I'm venting with my loud mouth. We can't even kiss at home since we are worried Father Maloy might walk in on us at any point." Naruto sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, hoping to get rid of the tenseness in his muscles there.

"Why not just tell the Father the truth?" Naruto gave her a look and she shook her head. "Alright, I get it, keep it a secret. You better hope the father decides to find a place to live soon."

"You know the worst part? He really isn't a bad guy. The guest room bed is always made every morning, the guest bathroom looks completely unused, and he even makes breakfast for us some days. He would be the perfect guest, if he wasn't homophobic." Naruto plopped his head into his hands, completely frustrated with the entire situation.

"I really don't know what to say here. Keep your chin up? He'll leave eventually? I mean, really you made your bed, now you have to lay in it." Naruto sighed and lifted his head, putting his hands back in his pocket.

"Yeah I know your right." The front door opened for another customer and the work day continued.

~o~0~o~

Naruto was giving Sasuke a shoulder massage since he walked into the apartment in a worse mood than he had a week ago. His muscles were tense everywhere and Naruto knew it wasn't all just from his job. He just hoped this would be a good enough apology for now. The key rattled in the door and Sasuke made to get out of Naruto's grip, but he tightened his hold. His face screwed into a scowl for a few seconds while listening to the key turning in the lock. He was fed up with hiding it, he was tired of not being able to hug Sasuke, or put an arm around him when they were watching tv. He didn't care if his dad would be mad, or if the church unleashed a massive angel army to strike them down, he didn't want to hide it anymore.

The Father walked in and looked over to the two boys. Naruto felt Sasuke's shoulders hunch up a little and Naruto smiled to the Father. Father Maloy surprised both of them by smiling back.

"Good news, boys! The church finished the preparations for me to stay in their dorm. Oh joyous day, joyous day. You will get your guest bedroom back tomorrow." Now it was Naruto's turn to tense. He figured it out that fast? Or did he mean some kind of joke that he wasn't catching on.

"Guest bedroom?"

"The room I'm staying in. That is what you call it, yes? Yes?" Father Maloy took off his shoes and made his way toward the fridge to grab a bottle of water from the case he brought on Friday. Naruto's mouth opened and he honestly didn't know what to say. Where was the screaming? The dead babies? The damning to hell?

"How did you figure it out?" Sasuke reigned in his shock much quicker than Naruto had, since he was still acting as a fly catcher.

"Figure it out? You were hiding that you were together? Why? Why?" Father Maloy looked at him questioningly. Naruto closed his mouth and glanced to Sasuke. He was staring at Father Maloy with the intensity of a bull toward a red cape. He returned his gaze back to the Father and scratched the back of his head.

"We figured that since you were a catholic priest, you wouldn't look kindly on our relationship and completely freak out when you found out."

"Naruto, your father told me about a month ago that you were dating a man named Sasuke. Though he was not really talking to me, but a parishioner. Very loudly, very loudly. Everyone in the area heard him." Naruto saw red for a second and smacked his forehead with his hand. He heard Sasuke growl next to him and realized that sometimes he must have taken after his father in some cases. "You really were not hiding it well. Not at all. Not at all."

"What do you mean?" Sasuke's eyes narrowed at him, the bull was charging now.

"You two touch each other with these little touches. The kind that are unconscious, but common among couples. Also, that first morning the door was open and I saw you two sleeping." The Father's smile never dropped and he took a drink from his now sweating water bottle.

Naruto blushed, and remembered thinking he didn't shut the door. So the Father must have closed it. Now he just felt stupid. He looked down at Sasuke to see him let out a big sigh, his eyebrows folded in that way that showed he was frustrated, but not angry.

"I must say, though, I must say I am rather happy you two are the type to not have sex around a guest. Very grateful, very grateful."

Naruto felt dumb for the rest of the night and he watched as slowly all the tension that was in Sasuke's shoulders melted. The three of them even sat down for a movie that night and Sasuke threw his arm over Naruto's shoulders and Naruto in turn curled up against his side. The discussions were light and about local events and past stories. Naruto couldn't have asked for a better last night with the priest.

The next day as the Father was leaving, Naruto just had one thing that was bugging him.

"Father Maloy?" Naruto set the again heavy suitcase into the Father's car and shut the back door.

"Yes my son?" Naruto slowly turned to him, a questioning look on his face.

"Why are you so okay with Sasuke and me?"

"Is my face smoothly shaved?" Naruto was even more confused now.

"Well yeah but what does that have to do with us?"

"The Bible is hard to understand, especially if you do not know history well. Leviticus says that homosexuality is amoral, but it also says shaving is. When they mention male prostitutes and sex in the bible it is in the ideal of war because it is when they do not want their soldiers to lie with a prostitute at all since it leads to disease within the ranks. The word they use for male prostitutes that have relations with men in the new testament is in Greek, where homosexuality was somewhat embraced but translated into English can mean something completely different. I have no qualms with homosexuality because it is not against my personal faith."

Naruto grew quiet and slowly smiled. He walked up to the Father and hugged him. Really he felt like Father Maloy had given him much more than Naruto had given him.

* * *

Phew. Longest one shot so far. Humor is hard for me, especially with my writing style. Hopefully it at least amused you a bit. Also I'm not sure how I like that ending, but for real it would have kept going for quiet a while if I hadn't, mostly because then it would have led to Naruto finally getting laid. And there is much rejoicing. Some other interesting tidbits I didn't include:

Fugaku is in jail because he took the fall for his boss so that the company wouldn't go bankrupt

Mikoto is dead from a seizure she had around Sasuke's 14th birthday. She bit her tongue off and cracked her head open and bled to death before the EMTs arrived because they didn't find her until 10 minutes after it happened.

Ino owns the coffee shop and Naruto will co-own it with her when her father retires from being a co-owner. He is a manager for now.

Itachi works as a park ranger on the outside of town and goes long periods of time without checking in on Sasuke because of this. It was hard on both of them at first but now they are used to it and spend a lot of time together when he gets back to civilization. He is the reason they even have a guest room at all.

So yeah. Hopefully you guys liked it, and sorry for the long wait. I could also blame being an adult on the slow update, but that seems like a cop out.

Next time: Exploit


	4. Exploit

Number 4 of the challenge, and I'm sorry, I'm only good at my own twisted sense of humor. I'm actually really not happy with this one, but I need to move on. I'll explain the title for this toward the end. I do hope you still enjoy it though!

 **Disclaimer** : I don't own Naruto.

 **Summary** : Sasuke tries to keep himself apart from all his weird neighbors, but he can't really continue to ignore them when there is a loud scream from the room that is supposed to be empty.

 **Warnings** : Spiders. Uh...swearing? And talking about spider insides.

* * *

 **Exploit**

In a specific one story apartment, in a specific part of town, all the tenants had a specific nickname. The reason for this was because the walls were paper-thin. Even the tenants on the other side of the building could hear what was going on thanks to the pipes that covered the ceiling of the complex. Sasuke lived in the middle apartment on the south side. The apartment closest to the door connected to his was empty and had been since he moved in six months ago. The one on his other side, however, he wished was a different story. The first month he had lived there, he found that his neighbor was of the playboy variety. Every weekend he would have someone over at odd hours of the night, doing the horizontal tango. Sasuke eventually started leaving his iPod and earphones by his bed so he could drown out the noises. He seemed to like them loud, earning him the nickname the Showoff.

Directly across the hall from him, lived a couple that loved to argue all the time. He usually didn't hear it too much. Usually he heard most of it from the shower. He could also hear it if he had nothing on in his apartment. They were called the Whipped and the Master. The man that lived closest to the door was always leaving the apartment, especially when the arguments started up. It earned him the nickname the Runner. The last person in the apartment was a woman with three cats, two dachshunds, three goldfish, and a turtle. Her nickname was the Zookeeper.

Sasuke didn't come up with these nicknames. They were the ones he had heard the others use for each other. The nickname they gave him? The Ghost. Everyone in the building had seen him before, but the first one to see him had been his neighbor in the middle of the night when he was coming back with his new "buddy". Apparently, Sasuke had been so tired, he sent them one of his glares and moved right into his apartment without making any noise. It seemed to stick with the apartments residents since he was the quietest among them, and every time a new tenant had seen him, they had been startled, or just stood there staring at him.

He didn't mind really. He kept to himself, and didn't worry so much about the others opinions, but he did notice just how true their nicknames were. The Master seemed to be able to get everyone else to do things for her, they just didn't know it. On the other hand, sometimes after Master asked them to do something, they would turn around and get Whipped to do it. Showoff is always the first one to run to the landlord and spread around gossip. He was the one that thought of their nicknames in the first place from what Sasuke could tell. Runner would not only get out of there as fast as he could when the arguments started, but from what Sasuke could tell, he worked as a delivery man. Sasuke didn't know if there was anything more to Zookeeper since he avoided her the most, but he had heard her talking to her sister about how she wanted another dog.

For the last week, however, he could hardly listen to his fellow living mates. He had been busy with college finals, and he had been lucky enough to get a job offer at a local middle school. He always thought that kids at that age were interesting, and that they needed guidance. He also knew that they would think of him as Satan, making it rather hard to for him to give them the advice they needed. So between being Ghost, and going to start the next school year as Satan, he really didn't care for getting to know people and really didn't pay attention to those he was already around.

So on the Monday after finals and graduation was over, Sasuke decided to use the nice and quiet of having most of his neighbors out at their jobs and read a book. For fun. He hadn't been able to since the last summer break between the times he did curriculum writing for the first grade teacher he had worked with last semester. Ugh, first graders...and even worse, their teachers. Shaking his head, Sasuke settled into his recliner, a copy of Great Expectations being placed comfortably on his lap. Really he couldn't ask for much else. The best part was he was on salary still from his last student teaching job of the previous semester, and starting in July he was going to have the new teacher salary come through. He would be able to do a lot of the things he wanted to without having too worry too much about working. His orientation didn't start till the last week of July and school started up the last week of August.

He had been deep into the novel, a good 100 and some odd pages had passed, and right at the point where Pip's sister was attacked from the other side of the wall he heard an awful scream. The imagery of the book and his own mood since being awake pushed him into action immediately. He jumped to his feet, his imagination already running wild and heart beating rapidly. He knew he probably wasn't listening around him a lot, so anything could have been going on. His first thought was a squatter was being murdered in the empty apartment. On the other hand, it could have just been someone accidentally being scared by someone else. He was going to let it go and sit back down with his book until another scream rang out. Immediately, he started running.

He reached the door to the apartment next door, twisted the handle, and pushed hard, a little relieved to find that he wouldn't have to break a door down. He ran to the area he was hearing whimpers from and swung the door open. Immediately, all body functions froze and he couldn't get them to start up again. He couldn't believe he was seeing this, couldn't believe that he had bust through from his own apartment to find _this_ in the next apartments bathroom.

A very blonde, very scared looking, and _very_ naked man was standing in the bathtub, still wet from the shower that must have just been finished. The impossibly blue eyes were staring at him in shock and a little bit of fear and Sasuke couldn't help but notice that a little bit of pink had started to shade his cheeks. The only thing partially obscuring the view was the shower curtain hiding his lower body. There are only a few options now. He could just start apologizing, but really what would be the point in that? He could just turn around and walk away. No doubt his face had remained impassive, so really it wouldn't be that weird. It would probably add even more to the Ghost nickname though. Was that really a bad thing? It was more of just what he was.

The main idea that was taking up his mind was to just jump him. Muscles for days. And the water that fell from his hair and was all over his body making it glisten. Damn his libido. It had been so long since he had last gotten laid. It wasn't his fault he didn't enjoy one night stands! It was just so awkward when he tried to leave and they wanted to cuddle. It was an itch to scratch, not a full on becoming a couple.

His thoughts became interrupted and whatever decision he was going to land on was rendered useless as he noticed something move out of the corner of his eye. The blond jerked back at seeing the movement and made a muffled yell since he didn't open his mouth. The movement? A little tiny spider was sitting on the edge of the porcelain tub. Sasuke glanced back to the blond seeing him still cringing away from the spider.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, cursing in his luck, and grabbed a wad of toilet paper from the roll. He bunch it up, came up on the tiny creature slowly, and, once he was a few inches from the unsuspecting arachnid, he quickly slammed down the wad. He pinched the wad together hopefully squashing it between his fingers. He quickly opened it to check to make sure it was dead and upon seeing its guts spilled across the wad, threw it into the waste basket. He turned back toward the door to get back to his book and took a few steps when a large weight suddenly pressed into his back and something very strong squeezed around his chest. Before he had any idea what was going on, he was suddenly lifted up, the air in his lungs leaving in a sharp wheeze. After a few seconds his feet were on the ground again, and he was desperately trying to get air back into his lungs. He was manhandled again after a few deep breathes and was roughly turned to find a blond right in his face. Sasuke was stuck staring into really blue eyes. If he was more into poetry, he would probably find many sonnets trying to explain what he was seeing. It may have only lasted for a second before the blond moved away and started scratching the back of his head, a towel now wrapped around his hips.

"Uh...thanks. For... you know. Killing it." There was pink on his cheeks now, and Sasuke raised an eyebrow. He really wasn't very thrilled about being thrown around like a doll. The blond seemed to get over his embarrassment and his face broke out into a large grin, seeming to forget that he was mostly naked in front of a stranger. "The names Naruto."

Sasuke had enough. He could only stare at a pretty face for so long before that pretty face ended up not being able to cover the annoyance of the situation. He quickly turned and walked down the hallway. He heard a few sputters of the beginning of random words behind him as he walked back toward the wide open front door.

"What the hell!" And with that final shout, Sasuke closed the door behind him and headed toward his own apartment. A muffled shout following him. "ASSHOLE!"

~o~0~o~

Thursday arrived without much fanfare, and Sasuke knew that he would have to go to the library next week. He was already thru two of his five books he had bought at the beginning of his last semester, and those were the two biggest ones. He had just finished eating his lunch and had started putting his plate away in the dish washer when there was a knock on his door. He was going to ignore it but a longer series of knocks started as he closed the washer. With a long sigh he walked to the door and swung it open. He was a little shocked to find Naruto on the other side, but didn't show it.

"So, uh..." Sasuke raised his eyebrow at the pause. He seemed a little uncomfortable and kept shifting his gaze to the front door of his own apartment. He flushed a little but got a determined look as his gaze shifted back to Sasuke a final time. "I walked into my apartment and saw a spider on the wall. Can you please come kill it for me?"

Sasuke's eyebrows shot up. Was he really being asked to kill a freaking spider by a grown man? Did he look like some sort of spider-savior? Naruto started to glare at the incredulous look Sasuke sported.

"Don't you even start. I just can't stand spiders, okay? I got bit by a wolf spider as a child and I...well I just can't be near them." Naruto scratched the back of his head in what must be a habit.

Sasuke shook his head as he pushed Naruto out of his doorway. Naruto opened his mouth to yell, but Sasuke walked out into the hall, closing his door behind him. Sasuke led the way down to his annoying and childish neighbors' apartment, thinking of all kinds of aggravated things to say. He opened the door and looked around on the walls, spotting it easily since the walls were all white. A tiny little brown spider was sitting about hip level on the left wall. Naruto grabbed his arm and shook it a little, pointing toward the spider. Sasuke shot him a quick glare, then took his shoe off. He carefully snuck up on it and slammed the shoe down on the wall. When he lifted it back up, a squashed spider greeted him.

"Oh man, I really don't know how to thank you, that's two spiders now." Sasuke slipped his shoe back on his foot, thankful that he doesn't like to take his shoes off in his apartment (who knows what the past tenants did on that floor) and that he had left that morning to go for groceries. He turned to leave, but Naruto was still blocking the door. "This might seem weird, but can I make you my personal spider killer? I really need one, and I've only had one or two conversations with the other guys living here, and you have already killed one spider for me and...uh...seen me mostly naked, so it would really help out if you would kill them, since I can't do it myself, and I just noticed I'm rambling so I'm going to stop and let you answer me."

Sasuke sighed and shrugged, knowing that his new neighbor would just come knock on his door when it happened anyway. Naruto let out a relieved breath and put a hand over his heart. "Thanks, Ghost, you're really the best."

Sasuke gave him an incredulous look. Did Naruto really use his dumb nickname on him? Obviously no one clued him into the fact that they don't actually call each other by those names. Wait. Did anyone in the apartment complex even know his name? Huh. Probably not because he could only remember ever talking to the landlord, and only knew about the names because of listening through the walls, door, and pipes. Maybe his nickname fit him a little too well.

"Don't give me that look, you're the one who never told me you're name. In fact, are you mute?" Naruto gave him an honest and curious look, and Sasuke let out a small huff. He grabbed the door and pushed past Naruto, pausing as he turned down the hall.

"Sasuke." As he walked down the hall, he didn't turn around to see the small smile on the blonds face, or the quick once over the blond did of his ass.

~o~0~o~

Sasuke was a little surprised on Friday to find another of those tiny spiders in his own apartment, but the weekend had been fairly calm, and he had done an early trip to the library on Sunday. The new books he got he hoped would last him about two weeks. It was now a Monday, and he figured he would do a little bit of curriculum work for the next school year. He didn't want to do very much, because he wasn't getting paid for the time, but better to be prepared for those 7th graders.

He heard the couple leave their apartment, in another argument, as he scratched at his ankle. He was working through a problem set in the textbook the principle wanted him to use, and was getting rather bored. He heard the argument stop and a greeting being exchanged, before quick knocks were assaulting his door. He sighed as the hope it would be at least a week before he had heard from his boisterous neighbor was crushed. He didn't usually hear the blond, but the times he did it always seemed to be at an uncomfortably high decibel when he was in the hall way, singing in the shower, or yelling at someone he supposed was in his living room from his bedroom (if not, then he would be really confused why he was having an argument with someone over the contents of his fridge).

Thinking about the consequences of so many spiders showing up in a week, though he must admit that he has seen them pretty frequently in the building even before the blond moved in, he moved to the still knocking door and opened it, almost getting a fist to the face. He saw the couple from across the hall staring in surprise at him and scowled at them. They quickly made their way out of the complex, forgetting whatever asinine argument they were having.

"Thank god you're home! I saw another spider and I was just going to ignore it, but when I walked back to my living room I couldn't find it and now I'm scared of being in my apartment so can I stay here for a little while and when I calm down can you come over and see if you can find it and kill it?"

"You ramble too much." But Sasuke still moved out of the way, already knowing that the blond probably wouldn't go away until Sasuke did something to help out.

"Well, I've always been talkative, and it makes sense that when I'm freaked out I open my mouth more." Naruto walked into the apartment and looked around. It didn't look much different than his so Sasuke didn't know what could be so fascinating. He supposed social conventions should kick in about now though.

"Would you like something to drink?" Sasuke walked back to his kitchen, hoping to grab himself some juice and put some distance between him and the blond. He grabbed a glass out of the cabinet and opened the door, bending over to look in at what there was to drink. Naruto just so happened to walk in at that moment, and the only coherent thought in his mind at the moment was how gorgeous the view was. Sasuke had grabbed the juice and turned around, noticing that Naruto's gaze snapped to his face from somewhere else as he focused on him.

"Uh... what?" Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Would you like something to drink?"

"Whatever you just grabbed is fine."

Sasuke grabbed another glass, not noticing how awkward Naruto was acting. He started pouring the glass for him and himself, and Naruto stood in the doorway, trying to come up with some kind of conversation starter. Why was it so hard to talk to this quiet guy when he had never had a problem talking to anyone before?!

"So...what do you do for a living? I'm a physical therapist, personally. Gives me really odd and long hours. 's why I'm sometimes home at noon, and other times home at like 8. I was really lucky it only took two years of school, because I was pretty spent when I finished this past month." Sasuke handed him his glass, noticing that Naruto was rambling again. "Ah, but I graduated high school, like, six years ago, I just had to work to get enough money to go to secondary. Let me tell you, I've worked some real interesting jobs. One time I -"

"Teacher. I'm starting my first teaching job in August." Sasuke interrupted, figuring that he would keep talking if he didn't.

"Wow, really? And that's not too much talking for ya?" Naruto gave a smirk and took a drink, finding it to be some kind of cranberry something else mixture. Sasuke gave him a look and walked into his living room, sitting himself down on his couch. "What grade?"

"7th grade math." Naruto sat on the couch arm.

"Really? And they aren't too annoying for you?"

"When a person is in the middle of puberty, they are trying to find themselves. I just want to help direct them the right way."

Well Naruto could definitely say he wasn't expecting that. Sasuke glanced and noticed he was being stared at with incredulity. He turned away, a little bit of pink dusting his cheeks.

"That's pretty noble. Wish I could say I chose my job with that kind of thought, but really I just had to pick something short and that didn't require a lot of smarts."

"Being smart has nothing to do with intelligence. I know how to do calculus and multiple forms of algebra and geometry. You know how to get someone back on their feet after a life changing event. Both are important." Sasuke took another drink from his glass and noticed that Naruto wasn't saying anything. He set the glass on the coffee table in front of the couch and rubbed his hands together between his knees. The quiet continued as they drank from their glasses until Sasuke finished his off. "Should we go kill that spider?"

Naruto looked like he was going to say something, but instead downed the rest of his juice. He stood up off the couch and smiled at Sasuke. "I don't know if _we_ will kill the spider, but sure, lets have you go spill its guts."

Sasuke led the way back into his kitchen and set his glass and the glass he grabbed from Naruto into the dishwasher. As they walked out of the apartment, the Showoff walked into the complex. He stopped at seeing them standing there and a somewhat quiet moment passed, before the Showoff took one hand out of his pocket and pointed between the two.

"Seriously, Naruto, how did you get the Ghost to interact with you?" Sasuke was not happy that he seemed to be the only one that they actually said the nickname of to their face. Though, he could admit he was being a little hypercritical considering he never gave anyone in the apartments his name. Naruto scratched at his chest a bit sparing Sasuke a quick glance.

"He's really not that bad, you just have to treat him like a person."

"Hard to treat someone that never talks to anyone like a person, plus...wait a second. Dude, you are really hot." the Showoff was looking right at Sasuke, obviously giving him a heated stare. Sasuke was definitely uncomfortable. The guy just insulted him and hit on him at the same time. How exactly did he get laid so frequently if this was how he acted? Maybe he relied on alcohol too much. Either way, Sasuke kept up his blank stare, and was about to walk away when Naruto spoke up.

"Did you really just do that? You can't just insult a person then randomly start hitting on them. If he wasn't insulted, I'm insulted for him." The Showoff gave Naruto a sour look, crossing his arms on his chest. Naruto set his own hands on his hips.

"Why don't you just go back into your apartment, I'm sure I have a lot to talk to him about."

"How about a big no. Now if you have nothing nice to say, we have important business in my apartment to _handle_. Come on, Sasuke."

Naruto walked off, making sure to grab Sasuke's arm and drag him with toward his door. Sasuke couldn't help but smirk as they passed the quite stunned man. Sasuke would be lying if he didn't say he was impressed. He had never been good at verbally defending himself, usually he would just let them talk and walk away, thinking that he didn't care what they said. He had to admire that Naruto could not only handle himself verbally, but would have the decency to help him out as well. He could feel Naruto still holding his wrist and felt warmth in his chest as the door to Naruto's apartment closed behind them. The connection stayed for a few seconds before Naruto gave it a little squeeze and let go.

"So, how do we find a tiny spider in this tiny apartment?" Naruto avoided looking at Sasuke, but he could still see a little pink dusting the tan cheeks. He decided to give Naruto some breathing room and started looking around for a tiny brown speck. Luckily, he saw a little speck near the bathroom and started walking that way. He walked toward it, Naruto crowding him a bit, and lost sight of it as it rounded the wall to the bathroom. He started looking around the bathroom, and saw a little spider sitting next to a crack in the sink.

Sasuke was a little curious because this was the same spider he kept seeing around his and Naruto's apartment and decided to take a picture. He started taking out his phone.

"What are you doing?" Naruto grabbed his shoulder, using Sasuke as a human spider-shield. Sasuke opened the camera app and got it rather close to the spider.

"Taking a picture. I've seen this spider in my own apartment and I want to see what kind it is." After Sasuke took the picture, the sound must have alerted the spider because it ran into the crack. Naruto jumped a bit at the quick movement and Sasuke put his phone away. Sasuke gentle pushed Naruto back and grabbed a wad of toilet paper as a killing instrument. He crouched down and got ready to open the bottom. Naruto crouched with him and peeked over his shoulder. Sasuke opened the bottom drawer, and Naruto screamed.

~o~0~o~

All seven of the tenants and the zoo animals were standing on the sidewalk in front of the apartment. Sasuke was rubbing his eyes next to Naruto, who was sending a heated glare to the Showoff. Turns out, their apartment had been infested with brown recluse spiders. None of them had noticed because the main area of infestation was in the wall between Naruto and Sasuke's apartment, and they could only get out of the wall mainly in Naruto's bathroom. Since the apartment had been empty for so long, no one noticed and the rest of them just put up with more spiders than normal. Sasuke thought it was a wonder none of them or the Zookeeper's animals got bit. The exterminator walked out of the apartment, a grim look on his face.

"I have good news, and some bad news. The good news is that we can get rid of the spiders. The bad news is it'll take us nearly a week and none of you can live in the apartment while its going on. We have your phone numbers from the landlord and he has promised to pro-rate your rent for the month because of this. We'll call when its safe again." And with that he walked over to his truck.

"Well, guess we get to live at my mother's house for awhile." The Whipped's face grew pasty white. The Zookeeper started carting her animals into her car, muttering something about having to live at her sisters with the brats. The Runner had left before anyone even noticed he was gone. Sasuke had hoped the Showoff would leave just as easily as the others, but he was wrong.

"Hey, Ghost, how about you and I share a hotel room together. It'll be cheaper and a lot more fun with two people." He supposed the look on his face was supposed to be a seductive smirk, but honestly, Sasuke never even turned to look. He had decided that focusing more on the text message to his brother was a good way to ignore him. Unfortunately, Naruto didn't have such a distraction.

"Do you ever get laid with awful come-ons like that?"

"I'm going to ignore the obvious cum joke, and answer with they aren't lame when they work."

"You know it doesn't count if they're drunk, right? In fact, I bet most of your 'conquests' can't even remember the night before. Your entire game is unoriginal." Naruto crossed his arms against his chest and sent a condescending smirk toward him. Sasuke had to bite his lip to not grin.

"Its definitely better than any game you have. Just ask Ghost who he hears with someone more often." Sasuke's phone went off just then and he checked to see if he got an answer to his question.

"Right, because listening to you and whoever you are with probably only lasts five seconds, he doesn't have time to walk away."

"You ASSHOLE! Who do you think you are?! You know what? You two deserve each other. An annoying asshole with a mouth the size of China, and a mute retard who has the social skills of Helen Keller!"

The Showoff barely got the last sentence out of his mouth before Naruto grabbed him by the collar and brought him close to his face.

"I don't care what you say about me, but that last comment was out of line!" Sasuke froze at the scene playing out before him, having no idea what to do. On the one hand, he really should stop it because he knew Naruto was close to decking the other guy. On the other hand, he really wanted to deck him too for the shit he was saying toward him and Naruto and it seemed easy to just let him fight this battle for him. In the end, it seemed his subconscious decided without him, and he reached out and grabbed the sleeve of Naruto's t-shirt.

"Naruto, he isn't worth the time. Let's go."

Naruto tightened his grip for a second before letting him go completely, clicking his tongue. The Showoff straightened his polo before walking off, throwing up a middle finger as he left. They stood there in a rather tense silence, not knowing what to say to the other when Sasuke's phone went off again. Naruto looked back at the apartment, scratching the back of his head as Sasuke checked the new message on his phone. He locked it back up and glanced at Naruto out of the corner of his eye, setting his mouth in a line. He didn't know what was happening to him, but he really wanted to spend more time with the blond.

"Well, guess I better go find a hotel." Naruto stuffed both of his hands into his jean pockets and lifted his gaze to the sky.

"You don't have anyone to stay with?"

"Nope. My parents live out on the east coast, and I haven't made good enough friends around here to ask for a place to stay."

"Why don't you come stay with me at my brothers." Sasuke blurted out, feeling the heat light his face with color. He mentally cursed a few times, letting his little crush on the blond affect his speech patterns. He didn't think he had spoken so much outside of a classroom in years! It seemed to be worth it though as he was rewarded with a smile that lit up Naruto's entire face.

In the years to come, Sasuke would think that it was at that exact moment that his life with Naruto was sealed. He knew that it was at that point that he had gotten hooked on that smile, and that Naruto became hooked on the smile that he had returned. For now, though, Sasuke just listened as Naruto told him about this one time that his friend in high school trashed his younger brothers room on accident as they walked toward their cars.

* * *

No offense to 1st grade teachers, I just imagine Sasuke not liking any elementary school teachers, too sweet. ;) So there you have it. I just think the pacing is off on this one, and I just can't look at it anymore. That's the main reason this one is so late, I just couldn't get it to flow the way I wanted to. Le sigh.

The reason I have this story for exploit is because Naruto is using Sasuke to kill spiders...and kind of exploiting that reason to be able to talk to him and get to know him. Its also a rather amusing story coming from Naruto's side, especially because he really likes everything about Sasuke he has seen and the amount of times he just has to stop and try to focus after thinking _dat ass!_

Anyway, I honestly don't have more to say about this story for once, and just know that I might be even slower in updating for about three weeks because work is going to get crazy stressful until the first of September with the school starting up again.

Next chapter will be boredom, and I'm using a prompt from Tumblr to write it.


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